A MESSAGE FROM THE HEART
Marriage and Divorce, Pt 3 (Matt 5:31-32)
By: Curtis Baker
After a week’s hiatus, we return to our study on the Sermon on the Mount, and in particular, to our discussion about the thorny issue of divorce. In my previous two articles about Jesus’ teaching on divorce, I have tried to address both the importance of lifelong fidelity in marriage, as well as cultural assumptions of that day that lie behind Jesus’ teaching.
Because of the delicacy of this issue, I have spent more time on this subject than I would like, but given the realities of our own modern context, divorce and remarriage is a subject that must be handled with some care and depth. In 1960 the divorce rate was only 10% in the United States. Since the 1980’s, that number has risen to nearly 50%.
My primary argument in regard to the subject of divorce and remarriage in the Sermon on the Mount is that Jesus is addressing the hardness of heart of men in Jewish culture, who often saw women as objects to be used and discarded when they pleased. By limiting divorce only to instances of infidelity, Jesus protects women who were otherwise vulnerable to men’s whimsical desires. I have also argued that Jesus is laying down a deeper principle of intention in this passage, and not a new law, as is true throughout the rest of the Sermon on the Mount. In other words, Jesus is not condemning to hell those who have divorced and remarried for reasons other than adultery, he is trying to address issues of the heart that lead to divorce, as in his teachings on anger and lust.
With that being said, there is one objection to this view that deserves to be addressed. It can and often is said by some that we should take Jesus as “saying what he means,” because he “means what he says.” “Why not,” some object, “take Jesus’ words at their apparent face value and limit divorce only to cases of infidelity?” This is a valid point, but two things are important to keep in mind about this objection: first, remember that Jesus is addressing people under the Mosaic law, who often lived in polygamous marriages. This was not as prominent under Roman rule as it was once in Israel, but it was still a part of Jewish life at the time. This means Jesus’ teaching is not simply a matter of how many sexual partners one has, otherwise he would have addressed it as such. But second, and more convincingly in my opinion, one has to remember the manner in which Jesus often teaches. Clearly we do not take Jesus to “say what he means and mean what he says” when he tells those who struggle with lust to gouge out their eye or chop off their hand in Matthew 5:29-30. Similarly, most people do not think that Jesus is laying down a law in Luke 14:33 when he says that if anyone wants to be his disciple they must give up “everything they have.” If so we would have a lot of blind, handless men walking around, and no true Christian would own any possessions. We rightfully recognize about these sayings of Jesus that he is trying to address root causes in the heart, not lay down new laws of absolute practice. The same is true in regard to his teachings on divorce. Jesus is not condemning to hell anyone who has divorced and then remarried without an instance of infidelity. He is addressing the hardness of heart when it comes to human love and relationships.
Despite this not being a new law, Jesus’ teaching about the casualness of divorce is something that desperately needs to be heard today, not just by men, but also by women. The context of marriage has changed dramatically over the centuries, but the principle of heart has not. God intends two people to be joined together in lifelong faithfulness to one another. As I quoted earlier, this is not the case in at least 50% of marriages today. This is a sad fact, and no doubt reflects a social mood that has become too addicted to feelings and desire. There is a lack of commitment that seeks to push through when things are “better or worse,” which is reflected both in the divorce rate, as well as the unwillingness to commit to marriage in the first place. While our social context is different, we need to hear Jesus’ words just as urgently today as the men of the his own time did then. The civil law may permit divorce for any and every reason, but should followers of Christ?
(Don’t forget to join me for A Message from the Heart radio program Saturday mornings at 8:30 on KJAK 92.7FM, or streaming live at www.kjak.com)
(curtisbaker@hotmail.com)
Write to: P.O. Box 157, Slaton, TX 79364
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Marriage and Divorce, Pt 2 (Matt 5:31-32) (Note: Pt 1 is below Pt 2)
Last week we began to take up the uncomfortable issue of divorce that is raised by Jesus in his Sermon on the Mount. This is a subject that is obviously fraught with deep emotions as people have strong opinions about who can get divorced, when a divorce is appropriate, and when or if remarriage is ever an option. I argued last week that to understand Jesus’ teaching in these few verses we must know a bit about the context he was speaking into. This week I want to further explore that context so that we can gain a clearer understanding of what Jesus teaches, and to do that we are going to look at a parallel passage about divorce from Matthew 19:1-12. If you have a Bible nearby, I recommend you take a moment to read that passage.
You may recall that last week I pointed to the idea that Jesus’ teaching about divorce was primarily aimed at protecting the fragile position of women in ancient society. That shows through clearly enough in the Sermon on the Mount, but it is even clearer in this encounter between Jesus and the Pharisees in Matthew 19. As I noted last week, women were not allowed to file for divorce in that culture. Men had an exclusive power both for good and ill in ancient marriage. I also noted last week that there were two schools of thought in Jewish culture about when a divorce could be issued. The more conservative position stated it was only in matters of immorality, while a more liberal philosophy condoned divorce for any reason. This helps us understand what the Pharisees are asking in Matt 19:3–“Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”
You’ll notice Jesus does not give them a straight yes or no answer. Questions that deal with matters of real life rarely have such simple answers, and this is no exception. So rather than supporting their hardness of heart on this issue, Jesus points them back to God’s original intention in creation. God’s intention was for man and woman to become one flesh in a deeply committed relationship. (Matt 19:4-6) It was not God’s intention for a man to discard a woman for whatever reason that might please him. It was true that the law allowed for men to divorce their wives, but Jesus says this was only due to the hardness of their own hearts, not because this was God’s desire. (19:7-8) This was never meant to give men a license to do what they please in regard to women. If a man’s wife was unfaithful to him, then fine, he is certainly justified in divorcing her (19:9), but that does not mean a man can abandon his wife for any reason that suits him.
Notice how the Pharisees respond to Jesus’ teaching about this…this no doubt confirms the men’s privileged position in ancient society. They say to Jesus, “If this is the situation between a husband and a wife, it is better to not marry!” (19:10) What a stunning statement! They feel that if they are not given the option to divorce their wives for whatever reason suits them, it is simply better not to marry at all. No wonder Jesus thought they had hard hearts! But their statement also reveals to us what Jesus is up to in their argument; he is not laying down hard and fast laws that apply to any and all situations, but he is addressing a heart problem where men saw women as property to be used or discarded as they pleased.
Why is this important to understand? Two reasons: first, it reminds us of God’s intention for marriage. God intends for a man and a woman to be in a lifelong relationship where two people combine their lives together to make one joint life. This is the stability of all that is good and lovely about our lives and is necessary not only for strong families, but also for strong societies. It is not something to be taken lightly, and should not be discarded for any and every reason. But having said that, Jesus is not laying down a new law that was never enforced in the Old Testament. He is addressing their hardness of heart, primarily as a way of protecting women. It would be violation of the spirit of the text to try to say to a woman today that if she divorces her husband who is abusive to her, that she cannot remarry because the specific act of “adultery” was never committed. That in itself would be oppressive, and would violate the principle of the text. There is more to be said about this, but we’ll have to wait until next week. God bless!
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Marriage and Divorce Pt 1 (Matt 5:31-32)
On the heels of our three week discussion about lust and sexual desire, we now approach one of the most sensitive subjects in the Sermon on the Mount, and indeed in all of life’s experiences–divorce. I remember when I was in seminary, there were few topics that were as potentially explosive as that of divorce and remarriage. One of the major projects that every student had to accomplish while in school was a lengthy paper on the issues of Marriage, Divorce, and Re-Marriage, assuming that everyone who went into the ministry or on the mission field would soon encounter this difficult issue. But it is one thing to debate the issue in the calm environment of the classroom; it is quite another thing to flesh that teaching out among real couples with serious problems.
Following the same “you have heard it said, but I say to you” pattern, Jesus takes up the issue of divorce as an important one in the life of the Kingdom of God. According to the old notions of righteousness, a man would be in the right if he divorced his wife, so long as he gave her a certificate explaining that she was now divorced and free of his care. According to the teaching of rabbis at that time, there were two schools of thought about when it was appropriate for a man to divorce his wife. The more conservative school, known as the school of Shammai, would only allow divorce on “moral grounds.” This primarily had to do with adultery, but was not necessarily limited to that. The well known Pharisees and Scribes that are mentioned so often in the Gospels subscribed to this school of thought. But there was also a more liberal school called “the school of Hillel” that believed that a man could divorce his wife “for any reason.” (Matt 19:3) It could be for something as silly as he didn’t like the way she prepared his food, or one rabbi even said if a man found another woman whose appearance he liked better, he had the right to put his current wife away.
As far away as these two schools of thought are from one another, you may have noticed one similarity between them. In either case, only the man could initiate divorce. This is an important point not to overlook because it will help us understand what Jesus is teaching in this passage. In that male dominated culture, the woman was powerless in regard to her marriage. She could not file for divorce, nor could a man be accused of adultery. It was generally assumed that men could do whatever they please, while women were required to remain faithful to their husband alone. If a man decided to put his wife away, there were only three very limited options for her: a relative may support her as a servant to his family; she could remarry, but as “damaged goods,” or if neither of those options were available, she could become a prostitute. Needless to say, the options were not good for a divorced woman.
I am quite convinced this is what Jesus had in mind when he makes his judgment about marriage and divorce. According to old notions of righteousness, so long as a man gave a woman a certificate of divorce, he had done his moral duty in regard to her. But Jesus, as always, sees to the deeper issue of the heart. So long as men viewed women as property to be gained or discarded, they did not have the kind of “goodness” that the Kingdom requires. By divorcing women for any reason, they forced women into a kind of adultery (literally, “unclean” from the Greek language) where she is forced to take up another sexual partner. And the one who takes her up is also in a sense unclean, because he is sleeping with a woman who has been with another man. That seems foreign to a culture who regards sex as casual as ours does, but in the ancient world it was a big deal.
Next week we will take up this matter in greater detail, and see that adultery is not the only legitimate reason for divorce and potential remarriage. Many people have thought this, and have remained in horribly abusive situations due to this false assumption. However, make no mistake about it, God hates divorce, and wishes to see every effort made to avoid it. I think it could easily be concluded that many people do not do all that they can to avoid divorce. But having said that, this is not a new burdensome law. It is a principle of the heart. I’ll explain more next week.
